Broken Sticks

Disclaimer: This isn't just a blog for my tech projects.  When I started this blog my main focus was to write and post anything that would come to mind.  I figured that I would write about the things that were most important to me and maybe connect with another reader in the process.  So today's post is just a way for me to vent about a challenge that I am currently trying to solve in my personal life.

When I was a kid I wanted to have a cool walking staff just like Gandalf's.  Often while I was camping with my family I would search for the perfect staff to carve.  Eventually I found the perfect stick and I was allowed to bring it home to carve.  After a few months I hadn't even started on my carving but my new staff became my tool of adventure.  It could be a sword or a spear to fight off hordes of monsters.  Other times it was a tool of magical power that allowed me to accomplish the impossible.  This staff had become essential for imaginary games with me and my brothers.

One day I got angry.  I can't remember what happened but I remember breaking my own staff in a fit of rage.  Afterwords I finally realized what I had done and there was nothing I could do to fix my staff.  So I did another hard thing I threw it away and tried to move on.

My life has been a series of broken sticks (metaphorically speaking).  These sticks have been items of value, friendships, or even earned trust from others.  Each stick was important and I had given them a personal value in my life.  Every time I broke a stick I had to throw it away, and every time it got harder.  It wasn't until high school that I discovered why I constantly broke my sticks.  That was when I learned that I was suffering from depression.

Now you may be thinking that depression just makes you sad and think about killing yourself.  You can be angry as well with depression, and for me that is what makes my depression worse.  I had a terrible cycle where I could fuel my depression to extreme levels.  Honestly looking back at my life I wonder how did I make it through breaking many sticks.  I hated my depression for years wishing that it would go away and let me keep my sticks safe where I couldn't break them on my own.  I had tried drugs and various forms of counseling, but nothing seemed to work.

Then one day I decided to accept that I was going to live with depression for the rest of my life and that I just needed to accept that some sticks would get broken.  I made it a challenge to never break the sticks that I valued the most.  Has it been perfect since that decision?  Nope, and I never expected it to be, but I have changed.  I'm learning when I get close to my breaking point and I am trying to find positive ways to vent my anger before I break one of my precious sticks.  I also know I can't keep my sticks safe on my own.  I still need help and a chance.  Will I mess up again?  Yes, but I can make you a promise that I will do everything in my power to plant a tree that will grow another hundred sticks to replace the one I broke.  That one of my favorite things about sticks is that I can grow more.  Will it be the same stick?  No, but the tree can make a stronger stick that will be much harder to break.  Growing new sticks takes time but the reward of a stronger stick that I can't break will be worth every bit of effort.

So will you give me another chance?

- Click

Where to now, and new sticks to use.

Alright, so I'm off to a rocky start.  I've started writing this about five different times over the last few months.  Engineering school is very busy.  One thing to highlight is I am currently working on building a real time operating system for a laser tag system.  I have thought about making one on my own but the buy in cost for one of these systems is about $150 and I don't currently have that kind of money.  My goal is to build one for about 20-30 dollars.  So far it looks like I can build one for just under this amount but I'm still in design phase.

Here are some of my main components that I am currently using:

1 Arduino Uno: These can be found with a wide range of prices.  The best price for buying just one is around $5.  If you can find one for cheaper than you are getting a really good deal.  One of the things that I like about Arduino is that their software is free and there are plenty of people on the internet that have written code for Arduino.  Whenever I get stuck I usually google for the best answers to get past my problem.
1 IR LED: Infrared Light Emitting Diode.  This is the key component for the system.  Because I didn't want to use advanced signal processing (FIR and IIR filters if you want to learn something cool) I had to find a simpler method.  After talking to a few of my professors one of them suggested that I build my system just like a remote controller for TV (I'll explain my method of design in a later post).  Now I won't put a general price in this post because there are lots of IR LED's on the market and I don't know which one will be the best for my design.  Once I have a better idea on how these work I'll post links and specifications.
1 IR Receiver:  This is the target that everyone will be trying to hit.  These are very general as well but I'm pretty sure I'll need more than just one receiver for the final system.

So these are the basic elements for the entire design.  My next post (which will not be in 10 months) will have the basic design of how I got the LED and Receiver to work in a very simple system.

-Click